Starlights and Sleepless Nights
by ThnksFrThMmrs87
Summary: Who would have thought that nightmares and insomnia, and the light of a million stars would bring about confessions from the heart and the possibility of a future together?


Note From The Author—Here we have a little piece that I wrote while I should have been paying attention in my Revolutionary France class. It's a different side of Hotch, something a bit more vulnerable and caring than the face we see every week. I hope you all enjoy this fluffy one shot.

Disclaimer—I don't own the characters of Criminal Minds

For the majority of his FBI career Aaron Hotchner had lived in a grudging symbiotic relationship with a lack of sleep. Being a profiler quite simply meant that you often lost sleep; whether it be because of working late or through the night or the nightmares that haunted them all. As an agent you didn't have to like it, but you did have to deal with it. So rather than curse the insomnia you learned to function on two or three hours of sleep and a couple pots of coffee.

Over the years Hotch had come to expect that life would run on very little sleep. He got it where he could and was thankful for it, and then he filled in with caffeine and adrenaline where it was necessary. Because of that shaky relationship, he never thought he would want to thank every star in the heavens for insomnia, but it turned out that he did; and it was all thanks to one night with one woman. A night that he thought back to frequently.

They had been out on a case in the middle of nowhere in Iowa. Their hotel was the biggest in the rinky dink town and even then barely had enough rooms to accommodate all of them. After a horribly tiring day, though, they were grateful for anything they could get, so most of them were out the second their heads hit the pillow. Not so for Aaron.

No matter which was he adjusted his body or how many methods he tried to drift off, he just couldn't go to sleep; not with visions of their latest victims playing in his head and the frustrating knowledge that there was just something they were missing nagging at him. So rather than stare at the ceiling he decided to take advantage of their isolation to take the chance to actually see the stars.

After pulling on an FBI sweatshirt over his flannel pants and t shirt, he stepped into the one pair of running shoes he had with him and slipped out of his room. Quietly, he made his way out to the little patio the mom and pop hotel owners were so proud of, with its state of the art, circa 1987, fire pit and circle of comfortable chairs. When he stepped into the cool night air, Hotch was a bit surprised to find himself intruding on someone else's little corner of peace.

Emily was curled up in one of the squashy seated lawn chairs, wrapped in a sweatshirt much like his own, small sock clad feet sticking out from under the blanket spread across her lap. With her head titled back as she gazed at the stars it occurred to him how radiantly beautiful she looked with her hair tumbling around her shoulders and her face turned up to the sky.

She must have heard him coming because her mouth quirked into a soft smile and she called out to him. "You should come take it in. We don't get this kind of view at home."

"No, we don't." He padded over to the chair next to her and took a seat.

"It really is gorgeous," she breathed reverently.

He nodded, feeling foolish and a bit like he was in a Brat Pack movie when he had to tear his eyes from her to see the view she was actually talking about. "It really is. Nightmares?" he asked quietly.

Emily nodded, not ashamed to admit it. "It's been six months, and in every logical part of my being I'm completely over what happened with Cyrus in that compound. I guess my subconscious just can't be logical yet. I'll survive; and if I hadn't woken up I would have missed this beautiful night."

"Very true," he granted.

As they sat in companionable silence Emily found herself studying her boss. As usual her assessment of him quickly turned from professional to personal as she noted the circles under his eyes and the worry lines around his eyes which seem to have deepened in the past few days. "I take it your problem isn't so much nightmares as it is not even getting the opportunity to have them," she commented.

It sometimes amazed him exactly how much attention she paid to all of them. "Yeah, that would be right."

"It's hard isn't it?" she asked, pulling her knees up to her chest. "This job."

"I'd call that an understatement," Hotch told her, scrubbing his hands over his face. "It's one of the hardest jobs in the world, but for some reason we all love it."

Emily nodded. "I often question our sanity for it, but you're right."

Aaron looked over at her with a smile. "If I thought you were the only one who questioned our mental state I would worry, but I know virtually everyone does, and I've done it myself more than once."

"I wondered how it was that you were going to walk away from all of this," she told him.

Their eyes met then, and for a moment they held fast, before Hotch blinked and turned away. "At the time I would have done anything that Hayley asked me to, to save my marriage. I was so worried about her and Jack that it just never occurred to me that I wasn't happy anymore." He sighed. "Honestly, I just didn't want to believe that we weren't in love anymore."

"It's never easy when a relationship implodes that way. I can't imagine what it must have been like."

"None of us can ever imagine what that will be like, but it just wasn't working anymore." Hotch wasn't sure when he'd become so comfortable with her, but he found it easy to open up. "I never new really, but I suspected that she had turned to someone else."

Emily shook her head. "It's horrible to know that."

"I couldn't fault her for it." Their eyes met again and he showed her emotions he hadn't let anyone else see. "How could I when I had thought of the same thing?"

When she picked up on what he was trying to show her she felt her mouth go dry. "The same thing?"

Hotch figured there was a time to put things on the line, and that perhaps there was no better time than the present. "There was a moment."

"A moment," she repeated incredulously, those great big beautiful eyes of hers going even wider.

"A moment," he said again, turning to sit on the edge of his chair and reaching out to tug on the arms of hers seat so she faced him. "One moment when you opened your door, right before I convinced you to get on that plane with me and take another case. You were standing there, telling me that you had given up a job you loved rather than betray my trust and I thought, what would it be like, being with this woman? A second later I thought of my wife, and the marriage I was trying to salvage, but that moment was there."

It was rare for Emily to be rendered speechless, but she was now. "Hotch…"

He'd already started this, and he knew there was no turning back, so he pushed on. "It wasn't until after my divorce went through that I let myself wonder again; what would life be like with this amazing woman" He reached out to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear, resting his hand on her cheek after he did so. "When you were in that compound, being beaten and telling us all the while that you could handle it, it took everything I had not to run in there guns blazing to get you and Reid out."

"Aaron," she whispered, leaning into his touch. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Maybe I've been afraid of what I've been feeling for you; afraid of the fact that I might have finally let go of the last little bit of my marriage because I wanted you, because I wanted something more with you."

She shook her head, and he was surprised to see tears in her eyes. For one frightening moment he was afraid he would hear something horrible. Then a beautiful smile graced her features and she threw her head back and laughed. "I've waited and hoped to hear that for so long; I had already accepted that it would never happen."

"Now it's my turn to ask, why didn't you say anything?"

"You were still married when I first felt it. Then there was Kate and Cyrus. There never seemed to be a good time."

"How about now?" he asked gently.

Her smile was absolutely radiant. "Now is perfect."

Hotch was pulled from his musings when he realized that he was being watched very intently. He looked down to find the same beautiful eyes he'd been thinking about staring up at him from where Emily's head rested close to his heart. "How long have you been awake?" he asked.

"Long enough to know you've been thinking very seriously about something."

He smiled down at her. "Depends on your definition of serious I guess."

"That night in Iowa?" she questioned, a smile flitting at the corners of her mouth.

"You know me too well," he told her, stroking a hand down her back. "How did you know that's what I was thinking about?"

Emily shifted, rising over him on her elbows. "Maybe I'm just that good," she said, a mock serious look on her face. Then she broke into a grin. "Or maybe it was that gorgeous smile that lit up your whole face, I don't know."

She squealed when he rolled her under him, but any protest melted away when he brought his mouth to hers. "Have I told you today that I love you?"

"Well since its only…" She glanced over at the clock. "Six in the morning; no you' haven't told me yet that you love me. But you did tell me before the wedding yesterday, and in your vows, and when we exchanged the rings, and then about twenty times at the reception, then again…"

Hotch cut her off as he bent to kiss her again. Their hands laced together and he couldn't help but run his finger over the platinum band on her left hand. "I'll tell you for the first time this morning, and for your first official day as Emily Prentiss Hotchner, that I love you."

Her eyes lit up as he said it, and this time she was the one who leaned up to kiss him languidly. "I really love the sound of that. Mrs. Hotchner; and I love you too."

It was much later when they were walking together along the Hawaiian shore that it occurred to Emily to ask the question that had come to mind after watching him that morning. "So what kind of conclusions did you come to, thinking back on that night?"

"Well…" He pulled her into his arms, bending to kiss her before he answered. He tried to keep a straight face, but couldn't really manage; and after she heard his answer Emily couldn't help but join him in laughter. "I decided that we really owe a lot to sleep deprivation and star gazing."


End file.
